Cherish Hellfire: Why good girls do bad things

YouTube - Passing the Flame SF style

2006-12-17T02:19:00.000-08:00

Bushism 102-The Movie

2006-04-08T14:14:00.000-07:00

Bushism 102-music by Dj Temper
Images collected and edited into video by Ms. Cherish Hellfire

bushism 102

As I've Matured...

2006-03-20T13:18:00.000-08:00

As I've Matured...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is
stalk them and hope they panic and give in...

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just
jackasses.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -
they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.

I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do,
unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working
in your house, one of your kids did it

I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and
all the less important ones just never go away.
And the real pains in the ass are permanent.

The Meaning of Life-# 323

2006-03-05T13:59:00.000-08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves. Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us: It is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.- Marianne Williamson

Nijo Castle

2006-02-26T18:19:00.000-08:00

Hi all. I wanted to let you all know about this place that I am now frequenting in Newark. It's called Nijo Castle. Some of the best Japanese food that you will find in the area, but the real draw at this establishment is the people there. Jimmy the manager and his crew of very polite,funny,easy going, yet very professional staff make any experience there a good one. I, personally have been going there stricktly for the kareokee. Whoops! Did I say that out loud? I guess I did. regardles of any social stigmas about kareokee, it is so much fun. I garuntee that if you go there and get up to sing a song, you will be having at least ten times more fun than anyone not singing. Sure, it can be embarrasing, but thats why Dawn, aka"The best bartender in the Bay Area" is certain to be your best friend for the evening. She is very knowledgable about all things mixed and delicious, and she makes one hell of a batch of Lemon Drops. I highly recomend this establishment to anyone with in hearing distance. Oh, and one more thing...their much fabled "Nijo Idol" kareokee contest has a $500.00 purse for the winner. Trust me and just go. Any amount of fun/humiliation is worth it for that kind of money,especially when a few drinks are involved.

Buddhism

2006-02-25T08:47:00.000-08:00

Buddhism aims to awaken people to the limitless potential and value of their own lives. Buddhist philosophy and practice bring about a positive transformation in the depths of life, transforming fear into courage, deluded impulses into wisdom, and egotism to compassion.

Buddhism begins with individuals deciding to take responsibility for their own individual lives, reforming first themselves and their immediate surroundings and relations, and then gradually extending their wisdom, courage and compassion into a wider sphere.

101 little know facts about me.

2006-02-22T09:52:00.000-08:00

101 little know facts about me

1- Ms. Hellfire is not my real name.
2-I have 3 bat tattoos on my belly, and one on my arm.
3-I have 2 tattoos of the moon, and one of the sun.
4-I was born at the same hospital as my little brother in St. Charles, Il.
5-Im not tickelish...unless I want to be.
6-I have Native American ancestry in my genes. Spanish and Irish too.
7-I love tacos.
8-I have been bitten by only 3 dogs in my life. I bit back.
9-I have 2 brothers, one older than I, one not older than I.
10-Iv'e owned 2 parrots.
11-Purple is my favorite color.
12-Black is my favorite color, if I have to have clothes on.
13-I love to write about pretty much anything.
14-My shoe size is smaller than my hat size.
15-My hat size is larger than my glove size.
16-My glove size is equal to my panty size.
17-I have a tattoo of a black X on my left forefinger.
18-I did that one myself when I was 16 while getting stoned behind the tennis courts during lunch at high school.
19-I would rather take a bath than a shower.
20-I have very vivid dreams. Usually about being a super-mutant.
21-I wasn't able to walk for many years following a spinal cord injury.
22-I love to eat peanut butter and jam right out of the jar, with out bread.
23-I love anything written by William S. Burroughs.
24-Iv'e read the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series 8 times.
25-I'll read the Hithhikers Guide to the Galaxy series at least 8 more times.
26-My parents used to be cowboys, than indians, than catholic, than jehovahs witnesses.
27-Im a Buddist.
28-I had a bone tumor removed from my left leg when I was 19. My left calf is still kinda flat there.
29-My right nipple is pierced 3 times.
30-My left nipple is pierced 3 times too, twice horizontally, once vertically.
31-I want a revolution.
32-I dye my hair magenta with great regularity.
33-I used to have a dog names Monster.
34-He wasn't really a monster.
35-I used to have an Iguana named Xena. She was almost 5 feet long, and a vegan.
36-Nosocomephobia is one of me pet bête noire's.
37-Every morning, I go outside and sit in the sun to recharge my emotional batteries.
38-The scar shaped like a Z on my left arm is really a brand. I did that myself.
39- The numbers 3 and 9 always show up in my phone numbers and addresses, as well as important dates, including my birthday.
40- I am a virgo.
41-I love to play first-person shooter video games.
42-This laptop was bought for me by my ex-girl friend after we broke up.
43-I love all of David Bowies music. Especially 'Rebel Rebel'.
44-I used to have a studio in Dekalb, Il that was fashioned after Andy Warhols "Factory". It was completely covered in foil on the inside.
45-My friends and I declared our own country inside that studio.
46-I used to paint 18 hours a day.
47-I love to play guitar.
48-My favorite song in the entire world is 'Sleepwalk', by Santo & Johnny, circa 1958.
49-I use fore-arm crutches to walk. I also use them to turn off lights, pull things to me, and to balance my camera when i am taking pictures.
50-I didn't think that I would have even 50 things to write when I started to write this. Apparently, I was mistaken.
51-I make friends with men much easier than I do with women.
52-I make better lovers with women than I do with men.
53-I am intersexed.
54-I can cross my eyes, and have one move back and forth.
55. I can write my name forewards and backwards like a mirror relection at the same time using both hands.
56-I can write backwards quite easily.
57-I am ambidextrous and hyperactive.
58-I was almost named Tuesday when I was born.
59-My mother also considered Lyon.
60-My mothers middle name is Hilda.
61-My fathers nickname used to be Turtle.
62-When I was 20, I shaved my head.
63-I used to have a 12" tall blue mohawk.
66-I have had 7 addresses in the last year.
67-I have also had 7 phone numbers. I can't remember any of them right now.
68-Adam Ant used to be my idol. In high school, I used to wear a black upside down cross above my right eye like he did in his "Prince Charming" video.
69-I still love Adam Ant.
70-When I walk, my right legs drags, so i try to make it look like I am walking "cool".
71-My ass doesn't shake like it used to, but it still shakes.
72-I have a 10" scar from my ass to my midback.
73-I have titanium in and around my spine.
74-I am a real bionic woman.
75-The dancing sequence in the second Matrix movie gets me hotter than any porn ever could.
76-I don't masturbate as much as I should.
77-I believe everyone should masturbate.
78-I also believe that the people who deny doing it the most probably do it the most, but with guilt. Poor babies.
79-I love all of the music produced by Bauhaus, Tones on Tail, Love and Rockets, David J, Danial Ash, and Peter Murphy. Even the Bubbleman song.
80-I prefer Beatles more than Rolling Stones.
81-I like Rolling Stones more than Aerosmith.
82-I'd rather listen to any music instead of than silence, even if it's Slim Whitman.
83-My belly button is peirced.
84-So is my nose.
85-When I was 16, I was beaten up by local hicks in Illinois for being queer. My nose was broken very badly, and my nose stud was pushed through my nostril and into my cheek. Now I wear a piercing on the other nostril.
86- I didn't learn my lesson. I'm still queer.
87-Because of who and how I am, the line between my friends and lovers gets blurry fairly often.
88-Yves Kline is my favorite modern artist.
89-I used to love anything Disney.
90-I collect stuffed animals....usually teddy bears and the occasional stuffed bat.
91-The bat is my spirit animal. They are the symbol of birth, death, and rebirth.
92-I can't hear 'American Woman' by Lenny Kravitz with out shaking my head sidways like he does in the video. Even if it hurts.
94-I like to pretend I'm a vampire.
95-I have to pee very badly right now, but I only have 5 more interesting things about myself to write, so I will do that first.
96-I spend most of my time on the floor. It's better than getting on the floor by accident, and the floor is pretty difficult to fall off of, although Iv'e done it before.
97-I used to have a cat named Ichabod
98-< is doing the dooty dance.
99-I still believe I am going to be a rock star some day.
100-Writting 100 things about myself was fun. I think everyone should try it.
101-I almost always have something to say.

Stream-o-consciousness

2006-02-20T12:30:00.000-08:00

Stream-o-Consciousness

I want to be a better human. I want to be able to finish everything that I start in a timely manner. I want to be able to do more than 3 things at a time. I want to have complete controll over my emotions. I want to keep believing that I am being the best human that I can be. I want to have the fortitude to walk more that a block or so with out needing to rest. I want arms that do not get tired from walking. I want to never need to take another pill of any sort, for any reason. I want to not get chilled when it's hot outside, and hot when it's chillie out. I want crutch tips that never need replacing. I want I want I want.
I have inner strength. I have great determination. I am very good at multi-tasking. I love to wear black clothes, even on the hottest of days. I love dogs, cats, ferrets, parrots, fish and bats. I love all animals, even the human ones. I always smile at strangers. I always hug friends. I always carry a sense of independance and confidance with me, where ever I go, on the inside and the outside. I always say please and thank-you. I always attempt humor, for even when it fails, it is still somewhat humurous. I always remember that when things don't go my way, that in 10 years, who's gonna care.
Today, I am balancing. Balancing between the great division in my psyche and the lust for living that has driven me since I was first hatched. Today, I will talk to people I haven't met, I will joke with a cashier, I will balance excitment with commen sense. This is the root of any wisdom I could ever gain. Today is my parade. A parade of one.....look at the pretty colors.

Crying Shame - Jack Johnson

2006-02-18T13:54:00.000-08:00

Crying Shame - Jack Johnson

Its such a tired game

Will it ever stop

How will this all play out

Upside out of my mouth

By now we should know

How to communicate instead of coming to blows

We're on a roll

And there ain't no stopping us now

We're burning under control

Isn't it strange how

We're all burning under the same sun

By now we say its a war for peace

Its the same old game

But do we really want to play?

We could close our eyes its still there

We could say its us against them

We can try but nobody wins

Gravity has got a hold on us all

We try to put it out

But its a growing flame

Using fear as fuel

Burning down our name

And it wont take too long

Cause words are burning same

And who we gunna blame now?

And oh, Its such a crying crying crying shame

Its such a crying crying crying shame

Its such a crying crying crying shame, shame, shame

By now

It's starting to show

A number of people are numbers who aint coming home

I can close my eyes its still there

Close my mind be alone

Close my heart and not care

But gravity has got a hold on us all

It's a terrific price to pay

But in the true sense of the word

Are we using what we've learned?

In the true sense of the word

Are we losing what we were?

Its such a tired game

Will it ever stop?

Is not for me to say

And is it in our blood?

Or is it just our fate?

And how will this all play out

Upside out of my mouth

And who we gonna blame?

On and on

Its such a crying crying crying shame

Its such a crying crying crying shame

Its such a crying crying crying shame shame shame

f15 protest anniv: a recollection & a challenge - Buzznet: Photo and Video Sharing Community

2006-02-17T14:04:00.000-08:00

f15 protest anniv: a recollection & a challenge - Buzznet: Photo and Video Sharing Community

cherishhellfire: 02/17/2006 1:42 PM
Just knowing that "it" will change isn't enough. Shaking others from there slumber is the only way. It will take all of us to LIVE what we say. I killed my television. We all must unplug. There are other people out there that think ignorance is bliss, but it's not. Not if you have ANY love for another human. Petending is not going to change the status quo. We are. I do feel as if I am witnessing the rebirth of the heart of our world in a new form. Like the beggining af a wave of commen sense that is beggining to wash accross the conscious and sub-conscious of our species. A larger part of us want nothing more than to survive this intellectual infancy, but I, personally, have higer hopes, bigger dreams, and continually hold the human race in a place in my head and heart where we are not just surviving, but thriving. We must keep the conversation going, online, in person, what ever it takes for the true disemination of knowledge. With out the facts, how can any of us make rational desicions that we can agree with on a base level. If it hurts you, it's hurting me. Let the people know...ALL people. Love the people too, ALL the people. They are you. You are them. We are it. This is the parade. Not what happens next, what is happening NOW. I don't want anyone I care about to miss it either. We all have a say about what is in this "parade". Just never ever forget that rain makes rainbows. This too shall pass. The human race is waking-up. Some of us just need a stronger shake to get there. Im shaking as fast as I can....people are starting to pay attention.
In the words of Jack Johnson, "It was you, it was me, it was everyman. Wev'e all got the blood on our hands. We only recieve what we demand, if we want hell, than hell's what we'll have. I would turn on the tv, but it's so emmbarrasing,see all the other people, dont even know what they mean, it was magic at first, but let everyone down, and now the worlds gonna hurt, you better turn it around. Turn it around."

Lost and Found

2006-02-11T17:41:00.000-08:00

So. I found someone that I thought I had lost. My cousin Jessie. No, I didn't misplace her...not intentionally. I have been praying that I will find my family one way or the other, so every day for the last 6 months or so, I have been googling them. It worked. Kinda scary and exciting all at once. I have many questions, and I do so hope to be able to get some answers, at least where and how I can contact the rest of my family. This is a beautiful life, and not being able to share it with them while were all still here on the planet, well, it leaves something to be desired. Ever since Jessie sent me the e-mail that confirmed I had indeed found her, I have been bouncing off walls, doors, floors and ceilings with excitement. My family....MY family....it sounds so nice....

BE-ing

2006-02-07T16:49:00.000-08:00

BE-ing

Emotional purge. Blech. Thanks to the Universe for the lack of an aftertaste with those. I am a Tribute to all humans who have come before me, and those to follow. I do believe. As this is my belife, I am the "Greatest Tribute" that their is, being the only one in this body squaking about the greatness of humanity. Of course, greatness comes at many levels. I could use this time to spew emotional baggage at the internet, but I having thrown out my baggage this morning, I guess all I can do is simply to remind myself,a nd anyone else who happens to be paying attention that we, as humans, can change anything we decide to. And all it takes is a descicion. Everything in our existance begins with a thought....we, as individuals, even began with only a thought..granted, it was someone elses, but that is the testament to the power we all inherintly carry with ourselves every single day, weather or not we acknowledge that power or not, it is there. It is in our cells. Our hearts. Our souls. We cannot make it go away, and if we choose not to steer it conciously, we will control it subconciously. Kinda like driving at night with the headlights off. Not real cool. People get hurt that way, other people can be killed by our own ignorance of that choice to "drive" our lives with out looking where we are driving. This is not the way I want to live my life. Inspite of not being completely aware of that choice within myself prior to this moment in time, I am aware of it now. All it takes to change a life is to change a thought...we change our minds a hundred times a day....and there we go....the lights are back on.

2006-02-07T11:31:00.000-08:00

Jack Johnson - Flake - Featuring Ben Harper

Provided by VideoCodes4U.com

We could be Heros

2006-02-02T21:54:00.000-08:00

We Could Be Heroes

Heroes are not out chasing down criminals with
heavy artillery.
They are the quiet ones -- the ones who manage to
smile and stride onwards
with their heads held high and their shoulders back casually;
as if the terrific challenges they face and the
difficulties they
endure are as nothing.
they are those who never complain -- who always
perform at their best
regardless of how tired and stressed-out they may
feel.
They are the ones who change the world a little at
a time
in a simple but elegant way when no one is looking.

I may still be lost...

2006-02-01T15:06:00.000-08:00

Hookasha!

2006-01-28T16:50:00.000-08:00

gSo last night I went to the Hookah Lounge in downtown San Jose.......I don't think that I have been in any environment lately that is as conducive to actually getting groovy,m if that something that you can get behind.. The people bring this truly beautiful metal and glass water pipe a hookah, and the bowel end is all covered with foil to disallow access to what burning. This is a common sense thing. This is a public business and keeping it safe from attracting an element that may choose to endanger there business is just out of the question. The smoking m,material that they use is very nice...kinda a makes me feel quite giddy, but in a good way. Not sure their is a bad way to do giddy. I suggest to anyone going to reserve any judgment of the place until after your back in your boring house with no hookah......

Bubblee Toes

2006-01-27T12:42:00.000-08:00

Bubble Toes

It's as simple as something that nobody knows that her eyes are as big
as her bubbly toes
on the feet of a queen of the hearts of the cards and her feet are all
covered with tar balls and scars
It's as common as something that nobody knows that her beauty will
follow wherever she goes
up the hill in the back of her house in the would she love me forever,
I know she could

I remember when you and me mmm how we used to be just good friends
Wouldn't give me none
But all I wanted was some
She's got a whole lot of reasons
She cant think of a single one
That can justify leaving
and he got none but he thinks he got so many problems
Man he got, too much time to waste

His dreams are like commercials
But her dreams are picture perfect and
Our dreams are so related though they're often underestimated

It's as simple as something that nobody knows that
Her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes
On the feet of the queen of the hearts of the cards
And her feet are infested with tar balls and

La da da da da da

Well I was eating lunch at the D. L. G.
When this little girl came and she sat next to me
I never seen nobody move the way she did
Well she did and she does and she'll do it again

When you move like a jellyfish
Rhythm don't mean nothing
You go with the flow
You don't stop
Move like a jellyfish
Rhythm is nothing
You go with the flow
You don't stop

It's as common as something that nobody knows it
Her beauty will follow wherever she goes
Up the hill in the back of her house in the wood
She'll love me forever, I know she

La da da da da da

If you would only listen
You might just realize what you're missing
You're missing me
If you would only listen
You might just realize what you're missing
You're missing me

It's as simple as something that nobody knows that
Her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes
On the feet of the queen of the hearts of the cards
And her feet are infested with tar balls and

La da da da da da

Things we all already know.

2006-01-25T11:51:00.000-08:00

IT'S SO DANG TRUE!

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

A Letter

2006-01-24T19:03:00.000-08:00

I'm not quite sure what it is I need to say today....ya know. When life hits in wierd ways and it's obvious to anyone who's paying attention that something big has justed happened to you, it can be bvery difiucult to hide. Like loss, or pain, or regret, or fear, or maybe even...dare she say it?.....LOVE! Yes, life is really not all that bad when you realise that everything you needed youv'e already had with you all along. Even love. If you do not at least love yourself, can one realisticaly expect another person to love you? I guess that I can be greatul to myself(Thankx, Z) for not having made myself learn that one the hard way. Im just beginning to realise that I really DO love myself. I am standing at the edge of a torrent of emotions, lessons, and memories, and it's becoming clearer to me that I must realy want to keep mysel here on the planet. My life has not been the sort of life where any minor infringment upon the normalcy of my life could cause major structural damage, but that is because my time on this planet has been anything BUT ordinairy....from being born to parents who hated their own involment in the "hippie" movement, since they were only looking for a "feeling", to drinking my first Cabernet at my 15th Bday party, along with about 20 other kids and a few parents(none mine) in the middle of peoples park, to loving a cowgirl, loosing a soulmate, loosing a family,as I found myself, leaving the mecca of mediocraty in the Midwest and moving to California, and the ensueing hilarity involving my disability, lovers, and appearance, and finally to this place Iv'e found in the shade of a big heart, out of the glare of the emotional winds of everyday life to find myself in a position to begin to count my chickens....at a time when I should be getting my ducks in a row. This life is a wonderful, bountiful thing. Even in the pains Iv'e experienced that were caused by others, I have somehow still been able to find the best parts of all the people that I have come into contact with. Even the haters, and the addicts, and the lone-wolves. All of us are so prescious, and I'm certain if we could figure out a way to instill that sentiment in all humans as they come into this realm of experience, maybe they will be on their way to find their own happines quite a bit sooner. As long as I have air in my lungs, and energy to pull myself up off the ground, I will continue to do my best to reflect that presciousness back at anyone that I happen to meet. We are all in this together. WE.I.We.I.WE.I. When will it be obvious to me that I am us, we are I, and I am we, and anything that i decide for myself is also myself making a desicion about the rest of the human race. And I am only making a connection copncerning our cosciousness. There. Iv'e done it again.
Back to basics. Basicly, what I meant to say, with all humor falling by the side, is this. I like love. I love life. I think i'll sing along the whole way this time.

10 Questions Lesbians get asked, and our answers.

2006-01-06T12:04:00.000-08:00

10 Questions Most Commonly Asked of
Lesbians and the Answers You`ll never Hear..

1. What exactly, do two women do together? (Usually asked by a
woman)
A. It takes too long to explain. A lesbian quickie lasts hours. We
lay there and discuss politics until we figure it out. But if you
like I`ll show you. How about this evening at six?

2. Which one of you is the man? (Usually asked by a man)
A. We`re lesbian, not confused. Look it up!

3. What do your parents think about it?
A. They weren`t exactly tickled lavender

4. Do you face any discrimination because you`re -- "that way"?
A. None. The lesbian movement is a bodily function that involves
the expulsion of our reproductive organs

5. Why are you a lesbian?
A. Let me show you a picture of my girlfriend

6. Did anything in your childhood affect your choice?
A. Definitely. There was a cute little redhead in my nursery school
that I used to take naps with...

7. Why do you have to tell everyone?
A. I have a P.C. quota to meet

8. Is one of you "butch" and the other "femme"?
A. Yes, but we trade off every time we roll over

9. Do you plan to have children?
A. We`re trying! (Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, know what I mean, know
what I mean!)

10. But wouldn`t you want your children to be straight?
A. And miss the opportunity to be interrogated by the next
generation of psych majors?

The Meaning of Life,part 3.2-The Lessons

2005-12-28T14:49:00.000-08:00

Life Lessons

-Don't eat the yellow snow(without lots of sugar)
-Don't believe everyting you read(Sarting with this)
-Never run with siccors( send them airmail)
-Always wear clean underwear(you could get lucky)
-Never put your shoes on the table(put them on your feet)
-Don't chew with your mouth open(drool with your mouth open)
-Don't play with your food(play with someone elses)
-Eat your vegetables(not your shoesize)
-Always wash behind your ears( and behind mine as well)
-Always look both ways before crossing the street(and before crossing your eyes)
-Don't take candy from strangers( It makes them mad)
-Never pet strange dogs or cats(monkeys and racoons are fine)
-Don't touch that , you don't know where it's been(don't kiss,lick, or date it, either)
-Don't touch that,you know where it's been( at least until after your shower)

Meaning of life: File under "Other"

2005-12-23T21:14:00.000-08:00

Chip Chick: Put Some Life into Snail Mail with Customizeable Photo Stamps

Apparently, the meaning of life can be interpreted very differently by many different types of people, which is how i came to the realization that this may be the just the answer that you have been seeking. I know that a few "ChipChick" stamps would definatly make my year just a tad more complete.

Here's a link, if'n ya'll wanna get sum made fer yer sefsss....
http://photo.stamps.com/PhotoStamps/learn-more/example/

The Meaning of Life, Part 2

2005-12-23T08:53:00.000-08:00

Life isn't about keeping scores.
It's not about how many friends you have.
Nor how accepted you are.
Not about if you're alone this weekend or not.
It's not about who you used to date and who you're dating now.
Nor how many people you have dated.
It isn't about kisses.
It's not all about sex.
Not about who your family is nor how much money they have.
Nor what kind of car you owned.
Nor where you are sent to school.
It's not about how ugly/pretty you are.
Not about what clothes you wear, the shoes you have on
Nor what kind of music you listen to.
It's not about what color of hair you have.
It's not about what color skin you are.
Not about the grades you get, How smart you are.
Nor about how smart people think you are.
Nor about what standardized tests imply about you.
It's not about which clubs you're in.
It's not about how well you're good at "your" sports.
It's not about how you represent your being on paper
And seeing who will accept "the written you."

But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship.
It's about hurtful or heartening words you say.
About making petty gossips out of rumors.
It's about the judgements you pass and why.
And who the judgements are spread to.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about storing hate or love,
Letting it grow, then spread it.

the meaning of life

2005-12-22T15:51:00.000-08:00

The Rules For Being Human - Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period of this time around.
2. You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial and error: Experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."
4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better than "here."
When your "there" has become "here," you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
7. Others are merely mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie inside you.
The answers to Life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.

2005-12-17T15:51:00.000-08:00

THe thing with two heads

2005-12-17T12:34:00.000-08:00

Why is it that when ever you start to find your own happiness, every jerk and every asshole that cannot get their shit together enough to find their own happiness has to try to make yours go away, just so they can be content in their maladaptive belief that if they are miserable, everyone else should be too. this behavior is especcialy prevalent among older, overweight, pseudo-lesbians with a penchant for crank and soma, How can you tell when one of these types is lying.? Their lips moving is the first and only sign you will need to know that you need to put as much distance between yourself and them. Be careful. They are everywhere.

the view from up here. - Buzznet Photo Sharing Community

2005-12-16T17:57:00.000-08:00

the view from up here. - Buzznet Photo Sharing Community

this is a page out of my own book. The book of Zoe, as seen through the eyes of a 36 year old disabled woman who spends most of her time annoying other people on Buzznet. The Buzzword of the Day is .............(drumroll,please).....tada! No, it's not tada, but it is Ms Hellfire. It was kinda wierd comming accros my own screen moniker on a uk website...kinda cool i guess. Ya know...it's always the quite ones that seem to do the most damage. Im thinking of re-naming myself "Calm"....as in what we all expierience right before everything seems to blow up in a big ol #$@% storm. Yep..it's always the quite ones, the "well" behaved ones...never the ones with rings in their nipples,nose and nether regions that are the real trouble. If they look like trouble, chances are, it's all a big "store front".....if the look all nice and prim and proper, well then, it's probably best to shoot first, and ask questions later...FIGURATIVELY. No don't all of you three people that read this with any regularity go out and scare your neighboorhood librarian/spinster/closet lesbian half to death......do it to your friendly neigboorhood medical doctor specializing in work injuries....now there is a real criminal.

The never ending fall, or What it's like having Ms. Hellfire's karma

2005-12-14T18:22:00.000-08:00

tetka2.swf (application/x-shockwave-flash Object)

In the words of Kitty Wells, of 1950's country music fame:" Please help me, Im Fa-a-a-alling, in lo-o-o-ve with yo-o-o-ouuuu!!!" Well, falling , at any rate. Iv'e not been to happy lately. I fel as if I have no idea which end is up, and which is down. Left and right, right and wrong, good and bad, spiritual and worldly...all of these things have suddenly become gray area, best left to one's own interpitation than actual ideals. It fairly boggles the mind to think that all of these concepts, once with their own very concrete meanings are suddenly thrust into the void of non-commital, yingy-yangy wishy-washy stylized personal interpitations, so much so., that the original ideas behind these concepts are virtually null and void in this day and age. m not all that old, but I can remember a time when no meant no, yes meant yes, and maybe meant that further thought and discussion was warrented, Now a days, all one has to do to escape crossing any moral , interpersonal or legal limits is to continue to push the limits of what was once widley believed to be concepts of absolutes. No sometimes means yes, only if she's wearing a mini-skirt after midnight on an abandoned side street? I mean, what the hell.I may as well just join in. Yes i almost never don't like to speak about not potentially hating/loving/noyt caring/slathering with whipped cream another woman, unless, possibly, maybe she may/maynot, beg, plead, scream, ask, wonder if I really mean to give her excessive orgasms, hate, hitting with a cream pie, a new car, a call on the weekend, crabs. No one speaks the truth anymore. YTou cannot even believe what you see anymore, as our own interpitation will vary just enough to cause us to be liable for a legal action from just about anyone, anywhere. Interpit this...Y'all suck!

Breaking news: The Pope bows to common sense!

2005-11-09T06:30:00.000-08:00

Evolution in the bible, says Vatican - The Other Side - Breaking News 24/7 - NEWS.com.au

Finally...I mean, Duh!!! I think it's so very much time for all of these people that just happen to be CHOOSING ignorance by rejecting new ideas to take a look at what the Vatican is saying about Darwin, and the thoery of Eveolutiuon being compatible with the Genisis account of creation. When I still believed myself to be a christian, I had always thought it was terriably ignorant of the people attemting to teach me about the bible, to fundamentally dismiss any piece of the theory of eveoluton, and grasp onto belife structures more closley resembelling something out of Lord of the Rings, than anything actual. I never understood why the Christians couldn't just use commen sense and see that all the theory of eveoultion is, is a statement of HOW things came into existance...not WHY, or by what cause. It always seemed apparent that even God would need some manner of producing this world. Now all we need is a statement from the Vatican saying that they will be disbanding the Catholic church in light of commen sense dictating that spooky, guilt inducing, mind closing spirituality is no longer needed, as higher thinking and the evlolution of the collective consciousness has taken their rightfull place in the minds and hearts of the mah=jority of the population. Breaking News......The Pope has just announced that he has been a practicing Buddist for the last 2 years, and he would like all Catholics to BE HERE NOW. If only.......

What I dream about on days like today

2005-11-01T05:49:00.000-08:00

Walk Easy model 410 - Adult platform crutch w/Velcro® sleeve

I Know that this isn't the kind of day dream that most people have, but this thing would make my life so much easier. Just to be able to perambulate more than a few yards w/ o much pain or difficulty is something most people enjoy on a daily basis. Inspite of the fuzzy details of my birth, and the somewhat eccentric choices Iv'e made as far as my lifestyle, spirituality, romantic endeavors, and personal presentation, I still have the same needs as anyone else. The most pertinant at this being the need to walk with out having to choose which arm will be going numb after wards. I know that this is the holiday season, but I'm holding off on my holidays until I can afford these beautiful crutches for myself.

Audiovision 2.0

2005-11-01T05:35:00.000-08:00

"Jehovah's Vamps"- Buzznet Photo Sharing Community

2005-10-23T20:58:00.000-07:00

Zoe the Vamp - Buzznet Photo Sharing Community

Well, Let me start out by saying that I am so very aware of the fact that super-imposing your own face onto the body of a person built much better that you may be in real life is not a new idea, but it is still very enjoyable, especially to us types that become imprisoned in our own bodies for one reason or another. Any way, I spent the better part of a weekend doing nothing but searching for the perfect body (besides my own) for my head to rest on, in an effort to try an visualize myself inhabiting a healthy body. Oh, I was able to find so many freat examples of bodies I would never even want to inhabit on a temporary basis, that I jusy decided to give up entirely, and jusy go with a good feeling. Ever since I can remember, I have always dreamt of being a true vampire. I have the distinct immpression that this is not a rare thing, especially among those of us who happen to be into other women, were raised “Jehovah”s Witnessess”, were born with genetic abnormalities wich can best be described as ambigiuosly gendered, and just happen to have skin that is something other than white. I know that I am not the ONLY mutant of this variety in the world. Throw on top of that a physical disability, and SHAZAAM, there you have one Vampire in the making. I mean, seriously, where else are we to turn, if not to our own fantasies, to find a way to make some sense of fondue of negative karma being dished out to humans at such a young age?

2005-09-29T20:09:00.000-07:00

Hi. I know. It's It's been quite a while, but, alas, I am completely without any excuses for my protracted absence from the blog/journal of the hopelessly preterbed,romantically challanged, and ever hopefull. Nay, an excuse I will not be leaving with you today, but many reasons and explanations of a few of the events which have prevented me from getting to an area of my personal time and space continuem where sitting and blabbing online(ESPECIALLY to imaginary readers) was just not able to be moved any higher on my priority list than it currently is. Oh , how I long for the days of yor, when spending days, weeks even, online, activley attempting to leave some mark somewhere in cyberspace that would alleviate any doubt to the fact that not only does Zoe Estelle truly exist, she's happy and wel and living somwhere in Norther California , along with Elvis Preslys ghost, and the bride of Bigfoot.

Ok. Let's get down to buisness. Please take note of some recent changes in my life which you may or may not already be aware of. Now, as I'm certain anyone reading this may have already gathered, I have a disability which was generously bestowed upon my person by an amalgamation of selfish drivers, the workers compensation system, and insurance driven medical care.(Yes, Stanford has the best Dr.s and technology in the world...just not for the patients. ha ha) In return for me surrenering my entire life, and specifically, my spine, and emotional and social well being, I was "gifted" with a spin partially built out of titanium, and more nerve damage than "the worlds best" surgeons want to admit. I was also left with a machine about the size of an extra large duncun butterfly yo-yo, called a Meditronic synchromed intrathecal morphine pump, that was implanted subcutaneously above my right hip and below my rib cage that delivers morphine at a constant rate via a cathater that goes directly into my spinal cord. Now this is a fine piece of machinery, and I do feel to a certain extent, that I owe a great deal of my recovery to this little number, and the doctors that did the implant surgery, and the ensuing monthly maintenance. But just think...never again will I lookm the same in a bikini(or naked for that matter), and never again will I ever be able to just "take off" for parts unknown, as I will always need to be close to medical personel with the ability to care for a person with devices such as these, and they are few and far between, Trust me on this one.
So that is a pice of the back story which will help you to understand my desperation concerning the next piece of this awful/marvelous life experience. I was injured in 2000, and just this year, my legal case was settled with the insurance company for an embarrisingly slight amount. But due to actors thinking they can govern the state of california, and the fact that insurance companies, lawyers, and medical professionals working with the workers comp system are only their to financially masturbate each other at the expense of the health and welfare of the very people that they appear to be there to assist through what can most certainly be one of the most trying times in anyones life(recovering from a serious physical injury), I most definatly was taken advantage of medically, socially, and financially. Being a single gay woman of color,with tattoos and exotic body piercings did not help. Having been disowned at a very early age, and having no family to speak of may have also been a factor. Having been hospitalized at an early age for anorexia deppression just gave them more fuel to mistreat, and most of all, being intersexed essentialy sealed my fate as one of the more "disposable" patients to have their entire life in medical records cross the desks of so many people who have few issues letting their personal preferences and beliefe structures alter their level of professionalism based on the "type" of patient that they are treating. I can almost garuntee that if I were a white, hetro woman with out any body decorations, my story would be a much different one. No one will ever get me to say or believe that descrimination does not exist in the medical profession. With so many ways to be discriminated against, it's almost impossible to think that my presence would go unoticed in almost ANY situation, especially one where so many have so much access to the most delicate details of my life. In this world, I almost HAVE TO be discrimenated against, just so the fabric of time and space do not start to unravel from so many TRUTHS about this society and reality in generel being ignored in my honor. I am so very aware that this spirits journey is happening for a reason.
Cutting to the chase. I took my little settlement, and with the help of someone I thought was a "friend" I began my life over, only six years after i was injured. I am sadley learning that in this world, just because someone represents themselves in a certain way, it doesn't neccesarily mean that this is who they really are. I know that I am a hopeless romantic, but I still do not think it's wrong to look for the good in ALL people. I am learning to be more careful with who I trust. I trusted the wrong person to help me restart my life, and they stole all of my settelment money. I have ended up on the street, not knowing where my next meal is coming from, without the medication i sorely need just to get the pain to a level I can funtion at. It is in this time period that I met a man named Earnest. Earnest is the fellow in the pics at the top of this post. He is a post-punk, pseud-spiritual musician/ observer/commentator on the worlds music, politics, social structures and popular culture as a whole. I know. This essentially makes him a philosipher, but with a much, MUCH rougher edge. This means that sometimes he likes to scream what he see's, and what he is feeling, along with a bass guitar and a drummer. Speaking truths is the fuel which drives this young latino would-be-plato. He is the reason I am here on this plane of existence currently. Through his unwittingly,yet, inarguably buddist approach to living, I have learned a great deal about my self, and how I fit in to my own world.

2005-06-27T12:14:00.000-07:00

Why are we reaching for the stars when we really need to be reaching deeper into our own consciouness? All the answers to all the questions we could ever have are already contained in every particle that makes up these vessels that house our inherant sentience, and the sapience of all things in this collective-consciouness born reality we refer to as "the Universe". Chanting, praying, meditating,dreaming, all have the same effect. And that is to continue providing the building blocks of our sub-conciously agreed upon reality. Scientist discuss among themselves about the potential for life on other planets. When will they finally happen upon the correct question. Is there another collective-consciousness within our reach, right here on THIS planet? With all the representations of this consciousness in popular culture,such as E.T.,X-files,Vulvans,little gray men, maybe it's time to consider who put them here, rather than if they exist.Life truly is a dream, but who's dream, is the question that will be driving reasearchers in the not to distant future.
Mutilation by Zoekins

Sometimes, when I am all alone...

2005-06-25T09:05:00.000-07:00

And as my little brown fingers reach out twoard that place that I hide from the world for only special women and me, my hand begins to shake from pain running through my spine, up my neck and to my quickly numbing fingers, and as I begin ever so gently touch my tender skin, a bolt ,nay , a flash of electricity sears through my fingers and spins around my neck and shoulder once or twice before coming to rest in my mid back. All I did so far was reach, and it becomes oh so clear that my kitten does not get petted today. Maybe tomorrow, or tonight, or maybe I can find a nice aisan girl to lend me a hand, at this point I don't care if she's aisan with green eyes,or from ny with red hair, or even she's alocal school teacher, as long as she doesn't have carpel tunnel too.
Mutilation by Zoekins

2005-06-25T06:52:00.000-07:00

I have come to a decision about this bloggy thingy i like to waste time with....are you ready? Iv'e decided that I will allow myselg to use this as a personal sounding board for all things Ms.Hellfire, as I will most likely write about that which I know the most about. Although many events in my life are difficult for even myself to decipher, this is something I must do,as I happen to lack any kind of real forum to share these things with. If it's a story about the day I had my life changing accident, or a detailed account of my last marathon Doom 3 session, or even frustrated rambelings about the unfairness of the workers comp system and their trained pack of snakes in the medical provider proffesion, I will allow myself to spew(yep, she said "spew) any and all tangents that happen to bubble forth from this corner of our collective conscious. With all sorts of ideas and memories(mostley of mammories), I have to give myself pause(and maybe even "paws",my own sadly) so I may gather my wits and tits and join you all here in the digital underworld once again, with a detailed account of exactley how many times i was able to 'give myself pause" in a row! Oh the things we do for love, especialy if it's our own love we are trying to win. Slip slidd'n away,slip slidd'n awayyyyyyy!!!!

2005-06-02T03:53:00.000-07:00

The fire in my mind and the particals of the Universe are one and the same, and we are ALL masters of all we percieve, and all we do not yet percieve.

The Universe as a Hologram

2005-05-14T14:50:00.000-07:00

The Universe as a Hologram: "

The Universe as a Hologram
Author unknown (apparently attributed to Michael Talbot)
Does Objective Reality Exist, or is the Universe a Phantasm?
In 1982 a remarkable event took place. At the University of Paris a research team led by physicist Alain Aspect performed what may turn out to be one of the most important experiments of the 20th century. You did not hear about it on the evening news. In fact, unless you are in the habit of reading scientific journals you probably have never even heard Aspect's name, though there are some who believe his discovery may change the face of science.
Aspect and his team discovered that under certain circumstances subatomic particles such as electrons are able to instantaneously communicate with each other regardless of the distance separating them. It doesn't matter whether they are 10 feet or 10 billion miles apart. Somehow each particle always seems to know what the other is doing. The problem with this feat is that it violates Einstein's long-held tenet that no communication can travel faster than the speed of light. Since traveling faster than the speed of light is tantamount to breaking the time barrier, this daunting prospect has caused some physicists to try to come up with elaborate ways to explain away Aspect's findings. But it has inspired others to offer even more radical explanations.

University of London physicist David Bohm, for example, believes Aspect's findings imply that objective reality does not exist, that despite its apparent solidity the universe is at heart a phantasm, a gigantic and splendidly detailed hologram. "

it's been a few years since I have read anything about the Holographic Universe. When I first read what was to become my favorite book af alll time, namely The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot, it sent shivers down my spine. Is the Human race finally coming closer to the time when they will remove the wool from their OWN EYES! In retrospect, I must have sounded quite like quite the loon to my friends at the time, who were all buisy trying to Numb their way through collage. I don't regret spending my time with the "Freaks", having been born a natural "freak" myself. Spending time in the counter-culture of a small mid-weastern Collage town definatly had it's benefits. It allowed me access to some of the more controlled methods of Consciousness expanding, namely Lsd.

2005-05-14T12:49:00.000-07:00

This was made using pieces of the mendelbrot set and the Julia set to compose parts of the main body of pieces used to put this together. I spent way too much time in Paint shop Pro trying to generate the color scheme I wanted and rellied heavely upon the use of raster deform tool and the mesh deform tool as well as the prespective correction tools. Using multiple layers and refraction tools comprised to majority of the finishing touches to this piece. When I made this image, it had been after reading quite a bit about nanothechnology and biometrics. These subjects are pretty important to me as I have a tiny machine in my side thats connected to my spinal cord to help me walk. I also have a large section of my spine and skull that are comprised of more titanium than human flesh. This picture represents the coming war of the "self" related to growning technologies invading more parts of our collective sub-conscious than most people even realize. Struggeling to maintain our humanity in the midst of the fire-storm of technologies just may be a battle that we may already be loosing.

Cherishing Hellfire: Why good girls do bad things

2005-05-12T04:15:00.000-07:00

Cherishing Hellfire: Why good girls do bad things

It's been a while since I posted here, and I know it must upset my "adoring" public( all 3 of them) to see such a bad case of "drive by blogging" but, as with the rest of my life, this blog will continue to be "catch as catch can", until either a permanent answer can be found for people with spinal cord injuries or a permanent answer can be found procrastination. Until then posts will continue to be haphazard, uneven, and in many differant forms. I can see by the lack of any pod cast entries that my expieriment with audio blogging was NOT the success I had hoped for. Oh well, back to the drawing board.
I havn't posted in a while or even been to this digital hell in a while due to coming down with a very sudden and very severe case of "Bangingyourheadonthenightstandwhilefainting-amonia". This particular syndrome is one of the lesser known varients of "The IllFeelBetterOnceIFindSomeFood-Flu", and has been recently associated with the wildly rampant "ImSickBECAUSEIhaveInsurance-itis". Recent research is pointing to some very disturbing trends concerning which segments of the population are contracting these illness and which segments are seemingly immune. Apparently, If you have never finished school, or ever worked, but you do have several children with assorted surnames and only pay half your rent every month, than you most assuradly are SAFE, from ever having to feel the effects of these dibilitating illnesses. For arguments sake, we aren't considering the act of "making children" qualifiable work, as that sort of work is generally non-taxable. On the other hand, if you ONLY attained a bachelors degree, volunteered 15 hours a week since collage, and specialize in profesion dedicated to helping others, than you are in an EXTREMELY high risk group, and should take the upmost care in keeping your health, because when it's gone, it's gone for good, ESPECIALLY if you become sick or injured while working. Im not just spouting non-sense(although at 3am after 6 cups of coffee, it sure feels like it), Im simply shariing from the experiences of others in similar circumstances. I know I sound slightly bitter, but Im not, really, not anymore. My heart and soul have healed, even if my body won't. I really don't consider people having lots of babies in order to make a living a crime. What i see as the real crime is that in todays society, with all the leaps and bounds made in medical science and medical care, injured people are still becoming disabled people, for the sake of of a percentage, or a quota, or "policy". When the reward for studying hard and working hard is that your government turns their back when you are no longer able to work, than I say go ahead and rent that motel room, toss away those condoms, have a hundred kids all with different surnames! Our government has turned the worlds oldest profession into the ONLY means for financial stability availiable to the masses. the message reads..."Do less, get more", "Do more, get less". I just wish I heard that call 15 years ago, and saw the truth of it.

Physics and Buddism,pt 1

2005-04-15T06:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, even though we all try our best to make our lives work in the exact way we need them to for us to be happy, some things happen that just make all our work seem like it was in vain. These are the times when it would seem easier to just give-up, throw-in the towel, go back to bed, and wait for something else to come along to make us happy people. What i have learned is that nothing and no body on this planet can make me a happy person except for me. What ever gets in my way, if it's circumstances, my slowly healing body, or even other people, I'm learning that i can track the problems to myself, if not in the way i did something, than in the way i didn't do something. According to the laws of physics, and the current theory of a "Holographic universe", we are all part of the same substance as the most basic building blocks of the universe. We are all perst of each other, and of everything that we can sense with these fragile bodies we inhabit while on this plane of existance. Knowing that, and that this connection trancends time,space and our own limited understanding of the true nature of the universe, than it becomes easier to see how simple such a thing as a belief can change the physical structure of our environment. All through history and in modern times, there are examples of those that were able to attain that which was previously believed to be impossible, simply through the simple fact that they weren't aware that what they were doing was "impossible".

2005-04-12T02:37:00.000-07:00

Ill make this short and sweet, not to unlike me. My name is Zoë. Im heavy into video games on pc and x-box. I have a disability or three(spinal cord injury, FMS and CMPD), im native american, and I was born with ambiguous genitals. Why is any of this important? Well, it's not really, if you have no idea about these things, but it seem that every Tom, dickwad and asshole that finds out about these things makes it their "duty" to voice there opinion about the details of my birth, the color of my skin(which happens to be a DELICIOUS coffee color) or the fact that I have an addiction to sleeping with other women. Not an "addiction, so much as a choice I was never asked to make. I have a tenious financial situation due to the fact that I was injured on the Job...in California, and had to use the Californian Workers Comp System. These poeple somehow think that a woman who was unable to walk for 4 years following her accident should return to work. I don't know..does this seem a little unrealistic to you too?
Anyway..Ill be checking in every few days to give ya'll the most recent dirt on big buisness and an even bigger appetite for "love'.

2005-03-22T16:12:00.000-08:00

Because the star-bellied sneetches who played on the beaches said she couldn't play or have fun. They wouldn't embrace what they called a disgrace,as a star on her belly, she had none.

cherish hellfire